On Trust

I’ve been thinking a lot about trust. It’s importance keeps coming up in the work; in conversations, in conflict situations and in our dreams for the future.

Whilst we talk about how important it is, we don’t often take the time to stop and really consider what we mean by it, how we develop it and what we do when it feels like trust is absent or has broken down.

So I’ve spent some time listening and noticing where it is, what it feels like, what I see and hear that lets me know it’s there. I’ve been doing some reading too.

What is trust? Some definitions.

“The decision to rely on another party under conditions of risk“

“The intention to accept vulnerability based on a positive expectation of the intentions or behaviours of another”

Brene Brown, Dare to Lead

Why does trust matter?

Because it builds relationships. It makes people feel happier and more secure. It is rich soil from which beautiful things can grow. It is the strong foundation on which good things can be built. It can strengthen a web of relationships that can withhold pressure and impact. That can spring back when released from strain.

Progress moves at the speed of trust.

Trust = credibility + reliability + intimacy

How is it built, developed, lost and rebuilt?

We can build it quickly or take our time. We can grow it slowly or dive in and start from a place of trust until we are proven otherwise. Trust can be given until there’s a reason to doubt or remove it. Or it can be held in reserve until it’s ‘deserved’.

Whichever approach we take, it involves risk and vulnerability; personally and organisationally. Our approach may be driven by our personality our past experiences and may differ from one situation to another.

Negative past experiences, especially traumatic ones have a huge impact on our ability and willingness to take risks and trust others.

We are all different too: people repeatedly trust in situations where other people would assess trust as unwise.

And it takes two… or more. To reciprocate, take shared risks, to strengthen and grow together. It takes openness, reciprocity, discretion, consistency, authenticity, fairness, loyalty, time, humility and kindness.

Ultimately we are consciously or subconsciously asking ourselves: ‘does this feel like a safe relationship?’

Types of Trust

Dr Carolyn Wilkins, OBE, studied the subject of trust in her doctorate. It’s a fascinating read. She explores the different kinds of trust, the necessary conditions to develop it. This section below is drawn from here. Brene Brown and Steven Covey are also brilliant to read and listen to on trust and authenticity.

Thick Trust: is embedded in personal relationships that are strong, frequent and nested in wider networks. Thick trust builds incrementally. It is a history dependent process. It tends to take time, so it can be necessary to allow it to develop as Slow Trust; which develops gradually, growing with mutual experience in relationships over time. It takes time to establish.

Thin Trust: rests on some background of shared social networks and expectations of reciprocity. It tends to encompass people at a greater social distance from the ‘truster’. It can be observed in a newly formed exchange relationship, and can be swift trust where people have to wade in on trust rather than wait while experiences gradually shows who can be trusted and with what.

Swift trust needs to be ‘presumptively assumed’, which has it’s risks. Some people won’t or can’t work with swift trust for a multitude of reasons from personal preferences and characteristics, due to past experience and perhaps having had their fingers burnt before with misplaced trust. Some circumstances or situations are too high risk for swift trust.

Another way to look at trust is the difference between trust in each others’ technical, cognitive, organisational and communicative competence, as distinct and different from trust in the intentions of a person towards the relationship; particularly refraining from opportunism, eg trust in dedication, benevolence and goodwill.

When do we need to build these different kinds of trust?

Lots of personal and professional examples come to mind each time I think about this. You will have your own and they will keep changing.

Some examples; when we meet a new colleague or partner, on-board a new member of staff, when we bring groups of people to work together and we want the work to be wholehearted and for people to be able to be authentic in their work together. When we work with our line manager, or line ‘report’. In our relationships with our team and other colleagues. In and with our communities. In our organisations and systems.

The pandemic offers a case study into trust that we can all relate to and translate these principles. People, organisations and systems have needed to respond quickly and there have been countless examples of where trust has been able to grow swiftly, and where trust has been grown and broken too. Trust has made a huge difference to individual, collective and societal responses.

What are the necessary conditions for trust to grow?

Here are a few of the ingredients or conditions, drawing from Wilkins’ work and others; openness, receptivity, reciprocity, discretion, consistency, availability, fairness, loyalty, promise, integrity, competence.

And Brene Brown uses these seven elements in her work, which are very similar.

Brene Brown, Dare to Lead

A word on hierarchy. As much as we might try to flatten hierarchies, they still exist and there is a power dynamic when it comes to trust. Subordinates’ trust in a leader can be based on their trust in the organisation or system that the leader represents, as well as the personal qualities and the personal behaviour of the leader. If these things are interconnected, an untrustworthy organisational culture or system can make it impossible for even the most well intentioned leader to build relationships of trust.

So there is also a distinction between individual trust and team or organisational trust. And there is trust in organisations, within organisations, by organisations and between organisations.

The benefits of high levels of trust in teams and organisations are enormous; improving workforce wellbeing, improving performance and productivity, reducing uncertainty, reducing the complexity of events, inducing desirable behaviour, increasing satisfaction and improving collaboration and co-operation between teams and with partners. Ultimately, a growth in trust in a workforce reduces the need for formal control systems and measures which can be time consuming and a distraction from shared purpose.

When trust breaks down or is absent.

When there is no trust, or trust has been lost or broken, everything we say or do is questioned, doubted, seen differently or taken with a pinch of salt. Assumptions are made. We can subconsciously confirm our biases that are based on part experience, rather than seeing acts or intentions with open eyes and hearts.

When trust has been broken, what does it take to regain or rebuild it? Is that even possible? The good news is that it definitely. But what does it take? Here are some of the things that can help to start the repair journey.

Firstly and most importantly, we need to ask ourselves whether we are prepared to see the other person any differently. Someone once said to me in this moment of questioning:

“are you able or prepared to give up the picture you have of the other person and move on?”

To do this, we need to be prepared to take personal responsibility and accountability for action. We need to accept that others’ view of the situation may also be the ‘truth’ (given that there is no universal truth), even if it differs from yours.

• State your need, desire or intention to address issues and re-establish trust.
• Take accountability for your part in the breakdown of the relationship.
• Listen to feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment or fear.
• Resist the urge to become defensive about your own actions or views.
• Ask powerful, open questions about the other person’s perspective and about their needs and desires for the future of the relationship. Consider what you would both need to start, stop or continue to do in order to rebuild and repair.

Can we honestly say that we can open our minds and be prepared to hold a different perspective? Are we willing to listen and to see the world through the eyes of others?

Then, if the answer to these questions is yes, it’s time to take the first steps, take a deep breath. Ask good questions. Listen. And talk. Openly.

The reaction or response to this initial act of courage and vulnerability is key. If there is a positive or supportive response, trust immediately starts to grow. If there is a negative or closed response, we will naturally withdraw, retreat and continue to lose trust.

Some things to consider:

• Create the conditions for openness and honesty.
• We all need to feel safe from harm; physically, psychologically.
• Agree the behaviours and approaches that will create the best conditions for change and repair.
• Acknowledge that addressing breakdowns in trust requires courage and all parties need to be prepared to be vulnerable.
• Agree what you will do if communication breaks down.
• Ask each other what a good outcome of the conversations will be, and what each of you need, to engage fully and wholeheartedly.
• Agree the best forms of communication. Are conversations best done on the phone, online or in person? If in person, is a walking conversation less daunting and threatening? How much time do you need? (not too much, not too little). Perhaps plan in a tea and loo break to online meetings to give time to think and let things settle.
• Be prepared to meet more than once in quick succession to give time and space to think, reflect and circle back).

During the conversations, all parties need to open and be prepared to;

• Listen to others’ experiences and perceptions.
• Listen and take on board feedback.
• Acknowledge mistakes.
• Say sorry. And mean it.
• Understand and unpick assumptions and perceptions on all sides.
• Acknowledge where they are ‘stuck’.
• Recognising that we are all prone to confirmation bias
• Talk about the tough stuff. Don’t avoid the hardest bits. This is often where the magic happens.
• Design in time to circle back. Ensure that all parties are able to instigate follow up conversations. Leave the door open.

When a damaged relationship or a breakdown of trust has occurred, it can be scary to go there. But when we do, and we work at rebuilding trust over a long period of time, the most rewarding relationships can develop.

When we have gone through tough times together, the good times are even better.

As always, my work is a thought process in progress. I’ll keep adding to this piece as I learn and understand more. I’d welcome your recommendations, references, links and things to watch and listen to.

Here are a few I’ve gathered so far:

Charles Feltman, Thin Book of Trust (brilliant book)

Good Podcast from Colour Works: Building Trust and Healthy Conflict in the Workplace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuzXTQGFsOw

https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/

Brené Brown on What it Really Means to Trust

Steven Covey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLfvQ-IME7U

A great articles on trust from Brigid Russell and Charlie Jones